


Or So Help Me

by GalaxyAqua



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/F, M/M, mlm/wlw solidarity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13468578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyAqua/pseuds/GalaxyAqua
Summary: “I’ll make this quick.” Ouma raises his hands so they cradle the back of his head and he’s smiling knowingly at Chabashira. “I’ll get you a date with our favorite magician girl if you agree to do a teeny tiny special something for me in return. Are you in?”“Quiet!” Chabashira karate chops him on the head and is met with a surprised, high-pitched squeak. She smiles. “If you rephrase that to sayTenko’sfavorite magician girl and outline every little detail of this bargain, it might be a deal.”





	Or So Help Me

**Author's Note:**

> alternatively, The Gay Shenanigans

Chabashira is happily doodling hearts with her and Yumeno’s names in them when she’s suddenly and very rudely interrupted by an unwanted presence.

“Okay, here’s the dealio,” Ouma’s voice echoes through the otherwise empty classroom, and he barely manages to dodge Chabashira’s attempt to clock him in the face. “Wh — listen before you attack me!” He shouts at the same time as she’s shouting, hands over notebook, “Shoo, you little menace!”

“Come on, hear me out!” He clenches his fists, looking teary-eyed. “I just wanna help you, honest! Cross my heart. You know I’d never lie to you, right? I hate liars!”

“What do you want.” Chabashira regards him suspiciously, clearly not believing his words. Ouma, glad to be given the chance to finally speak, continues with a joyful whistle, crocodile tears forgotten.

“I’ll make this quick.” Ouma raises his hands so they cradle the back of his head and he’s smiling knowingly at Chabashira. “I’ll get you a date with our favorite magician girl if you agree to do a teeny tiny special something for me in return. Are you in?”

“Quiet!” Chabashira karate chops him on the head and is met with a surprised, high-pitched squeak. She smiles. “If you rephrase that to say _Tenko’s_ favorite magician girl and outline every little detail of this bargain, it might be a deal.”

 

* * *

 

“This is not a deal, this is _not a deal_ , Tenko is backing out, goodbye Ouma-san, bury my body and get Akamatsu-san to write my eulogy, it’s over for me,” Chabashira wails into her hands as Ouma stares at her in disbelief.

“It’s not even like, a real date.” He supplies in what would be a supportive tone if it wasn’t Ouma. “You just get to be alone with Yumeno-chan. For a day. Uninterrupted. It’s not like it’s something you’ve never done before. What’s the big deal?”

“That’s the _problem!_ ” She wails louder. “Ouma-san, you told her it was a date, so Tenko can’t make any excuses anymore!”

Ouma sighs, examining his nails boredly. “Look, you were never gonna have the guts to ask her out, you lug. You and I both know that.”

“Tenko should throw you out a window.”

Ouma gasps, looking hurt. “That’s so mean, Chabashira-chan, and I worked so hard to get you this far, too! Was our friendship just a game to you?! What about all the wonderful memories we shared together?!” He starts to sob, and keeps sobbing until Chabashira’s silent glower tells him he isn’t going to get the reaction he wants.

“Fine, be that way.” Ouma huffs, “Look, I know you don’t want my help but if you stand her up now, you’re only gonna look like more of a loser than you already are, y’know? Yumeno-chan might really hate you and end up falling for me, y’know?”

He leaps out of the way as Chabashira lunges for him.

“And we wouldn’t want that,” he says, pressing a finger to his lips as he calmly dodges another swing. “I don’t have any interest in girls, anyway.”

Chabashira stops suddenly. “You… you don’t?”

Ouma blinks. Then his eyebrows rise, followed by his hand which he holds in a half-wave as he says, “Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone, you thought I was _straight_?”

Chabashira’s shocked expression doesn’t change, and it only prompts Ouma to burst into a fit of giggles.

“No— no _way,_ this is better than Christmas— and nothing is better than Christmas,” he wheezes, “I just— you honestly think I like girls, even after all these years you’ve known me, that’s amazing, your gaydar is actually broken _—_ ”

“No, that’s not it!” Chabashira cuts in sharply, face flushing. “Tenko doesn’t understand how Ouma-san could have no interest in girls!” She squints at him, fists raised tentatively despite the blooming blush on her cheeks as she elaborates with, “How can that possibly be, when girls are so beautiful and kind and sweet, and have the purest hearts of them all. They’re lovely in every way, and give the best hugs and smell nice and — and Tenko just — loves girls so much,” she cups her red cheeks with her hands. “They’re too good, and on second thought, Tenko doesn’t think you deserve to taint them with your gross boy hands anyway.”

“Wow. Spoken like a true lesbian.” Ouma says, looking unimpressed until his face breaks into a grin moments later. “And that’s why we gotta stick together, Chaba-chan~!”

“Tenko doesn’t want to stick together with you.”

“Aww, you break my poor little gay heart.” Ouma replies, skipping over to Chabashira’s closet and wrenching it open. “Now, let’s find you some date clothes because you look like a total mess and as the SHSL Matchmaker, I won’t have you leaving looking like that!”

“That’s not even your talent, degenerate!” Chabashira begins to protest. “And what are you doing, going into a girl’s closet like that, you disgusting —”

“It’s a lie, duh,” He answers, plucking a dress from its hanger and holding it up in the mirror. “Now, now, listen carefully, Chabashira-chan. I heard a little secret from Yumeno-chan that I swore I would never tell, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hint it along, so you either leave your fashion choices to me or you can go to your date ugly, I don’t care either way!”

“W-what kind of secret?! Why did Yumeno-san tell _you_ and not me?!”

“Not important,” he sings, tossing the frilled blue garment over his shoulder. “Tsk, tsk, why are all your clothes so tacky?”

Chabashira glares at him.

“You dress like a five year old,” Ouma seizes a few more hangers and holds them up to compare them to each other, then glances skeptically at the aikido master. “Hm, are you willing to lose the dumb pinwheel for this look?”

“You will not be touching anything on Tenko’s head.” She decides with finality.

He shrugs. “Whatever, your loss.”

Seeming quieted by the realization that Ouma really is trying to help her, Chabashira sits back on the bed and kicks her legs. “Hey, uh… Ouma-san?”

“Ew, don’t use that tone.”

“What tone?! I’m trying to be nice!”

“That tone — the ‘trying to be nice’ tone? I hate that.”

Chabashira crosses her arms, foreseeing that they’d keep arguing in circles at this rate and that is exactly what Ouma wants. Instead of rising to the bait, she asks, “Why do you want me to deliver a box for you anyway? Can’t you deliver it yourself?”

“Nope,” he throws her a scarf and some high socks. “Hold those.”

She does, twisting the scarf around her wrist. “It’s just… Tenko was expecting Ouma-san to ask for more. This deal feels like it’s missing something.”

“How so? You get a date with your giant dumb crush, and I get to watch you make a fool out of yourself. It’s a great deal.”

“Can Tenko ask what’s in the box at least?”

“Nah, and it’s fingerprint locked anyway so snoops like you can’t get in!”

“Fingerprint locked? It’s just a cardboard box!” She frowns. “Look, you have Tenko’s word she won’t open it without permission, you don’t have to lie about that.”

“Man, it was more fun when all you did was yell at me and threaten to punch me,” Ouma replies. “Where did the good old Chabashira-chan go?”

“Can Tenko ask Saihara-san what’s in the box after he opens it?”

Ouma continues to ruffle through her closet, loudly shoving articles of clothing aside. “Nuh uh, that’s off-limits too. Aha! I finally found stuff you won’t look stupid wearing.” He turns around with his arms full of cloth, “To the bathroom, my liege!”

Chabashira rises and collects the dubious pile of clothes. “You want Tenko to wear all of this?”

“Just the one on top, obviously. You just grabbed them all for some weird reason.” He rolls his eyes. “Chop, chop, Helicopter-chan, we don’t have all day.”

His phone chimes with what sounds like Momota screaming and Chabashira doesn’t want to know where he got that. She discards the unwanted clothes onto the floor.

“Ooh, ooh!” Ouma exclaims, glancing at the screen, “It just so happens that as we speak, Yumeno-chan is on her merry way!”

At that proclamation, Chabashira flies into a panic again, yelling, “Why didn’t you warn Tenko earlier?!” before slamming the bathroom door shut and locking it as she hazardously changes into the outfit Ouma had picked out.

She’s genuinely surprised it isn’t a trash bag in disguise – just a simple blue sundress with little white flowers that she has had buried in her closet since last summer. She picked it up when she went on vacation to see one of Akamatsu’s recitals; Akamatsu had complimented her on it then, too.

It’s a decent choice, she decides, though she will never tell Ouma that.

It’s been a while since she’s worn a dress that doesn’t expose her midriff, but as she twirls in the mirror, she decides that it will have to do. She does a high kick, wearing shorts underneath of course – ensuring that she still has the proper mobility to protect Yumeno from awful boys if it came to that, and nods to herself.

She emerges from the bathroom scowling.

“Wow, I was totally just about to compliment you but your face makes you look like you want to commit murder, so I might have to hold back on that,” Ouma comments. “Where’re the socks I gave you?”

“Tenko doesn’t like those socks.”

“The socks are heartbroken. They really are. They’ll be back for sock revenge, just you wait.” Ouma studies her for a moment. She stares back at him. The doorbell rings.

Chabashira’s expression when she jumps makes Ouma snicker.

“Well?” He asks with a smirk. “What are you staring at me for? Go get her.”

“Tenko can’t move.”

Ouma crosses his arms. “The useless lesbian act was only funny the first few times. Move it, Chaba-chan.”

“What if Yumeno-san hates me?”

“Why would she hate you? Go on, answer the door.”

Chabashira moves, taking quick little steps towards the door as Ouma frantically shoves everything back into her closet before diving in himself and shutting it.

The front door swings open to reveal Yumeno, who peers shyly up at Chabashira from beneath her hat.

“Hello —”

“Hey! Yumeno-san! Just in time!” Chabashira beams, rocking nervously on the balls of her feet. “Are you ready to go?”

“Huh…? I should be asking you that.” Yumeno glances down. “Put some shoes on before you leave. Stepping on rocks can hurt, you know.”

Chabashira nods, pulling her favorite sneakers from the shoe rack and ignoring Ouma’s distant hiss of, “Not those ones, you idiot!”

“Nyeh? What was that?”

“Nothing, Yumeno-san!” She beams wider and shouts over her shoulder. “It was just leaving, wasn’t it?”

“Yep!” Ouma shouts back in stark clarity, rolling out of Chabashira’s closet and booking it past Yumeno before the magician can even react. “Later, losers! Enjoy your date!”

“Um.” Yumeno blinks after him. “Why was Ouma in your closet?”

“Why does Ouma-san do anything?” Chabashira asks irritably, and Yumeno smiles — just a little bit but it’s enough to fill Chabashira's stomach with butterflies.

“You’re right.” She glances up at Chabashira again. “You… you look kinda nice, in that dress. By the way.”

Chabashira blushes. “Thank you! Tenko thinks Yumeno-san’s dress suits her, too!” It’s true, the autumn colors make Yumeno look like a little beacon of warmth, and if it were not too forward and embarrassing to think about, Chabashira would have long wrapped her up in a blanket, and let the day roll by with just the two of them cuddling in bed until the sun went down.

As it stands, however, the both of them are simply blushing in Chabashira’s doorway, not quite able to look at each other.

After a long moment, Yumeno pulls her hat over her eyes to hide her red cheeks. “Um, yeah, thanks… let’s just go…”

“Let’s!” Chabashira declares, grabbing Yumeno’s hand in a sudden burst of cute-girl-induced-confidence and beaming when Yumeno tightens her grip around it. Compared to Chabashira, her hand is small and delicate, and the aikido master thinks it’s the cutest, cutest thing.

 

* * *

 

Yumeno doesn’t like exerting herself much – she hates it when her heart races, she hates sweating and hates basically anything that isn’t magic or small spaces or taking naps, and after this, she thinks, she may have to go lie down for a week.

She’s on a date with Chabashira and she feels like she’s running a marathon.

Her hands are probably really sweaty, her face all red and blotchy, and her heart sure is getting a workout with the way Chabashira calls her things like cute and sweet and beautiful without a care in the world, and that’s not even beginning to mention how considerate she’s been.  

She never walks too fast, she always stands on the side of the sidewalk that’s closest to cars, she’s paid for every fleeting fancy Yumeno has had, and she does it all with the brightest smile. Yumeno twirls the cotton candy in her free hand – it’s pink and shaped like a rabbit and she didn’t need it, but Chabashira bought it for her anyway.

“Want some?” She offers said aikido master, and Chabashira gasps delightedly.

“Can I!?”

“Obviously, since you paid for it.” Yumeno says with an exasperated fondness. “As a limited time special, I’ve used my magic to give you a HP boost when you bite into it. It’s one-of-a-kind, can’t miss it.”

“Then Tenko will cherish it!” Chabashira bites off the bunny’s ear inelegantly, squealing when a piece of cotton candy sticks to her nose, and Yumeno can’t help but watch her make a fool out of herself as she tries to lick it off, because it’s amusing and because it’s sort of sweet.

She’s not sure Chabashira even made sense of her words, but it’s the enthusiasm that counts. Sometimes. Maybe she can make exceptions on Tuesdays, but then she’d have to tell Chabashira that they could only go on dates on Tuesdays, and that’s only if she still wants to go on another date after this because so far, Yumeno doesn’t think she’s really contributed much.

She’s trying.

Yumeno hasn’t the words nor the courage to tell Chabashira how much it all means to the mage to not be treated as a nuisance or called slow and lazy, and though Chabashira has always treated her as though she were some sort of angel, being on a date with her has only made Yumeno hyper aware of her every action, including the way Chabashira triumphantly picks the candy off her nose and licks her fingers when she’s done.

It should be gross, since Yumeno’s a hygienic sort of girl – unless it comes to showers because showers are so much effort and baths are way better – but she just finds it weirdly cute.

“Do you want a tissue?” Yumeno asks.

“Ooh, yes, please! Wow, Yumeno-san is really prepared for anything,” Chabashira waits patiently for Yumeno to summon a tissue and pulls their hands apart to clean up quickly. Yumeno immediately misses the warmth of her hand, but doesn’t find herself reaching back for it, even after Chabashira tosses the tissue and they’re free to keep walking.

She’s cursed with her hesitation, she muses. Just because Chabashira was holding her hand before, does it mean she would want to do it again? Maybe she got put off by how weak and flimsy Yumeno’s hands are compared to hers – hers are so calloused and firm. Holding Chabashira’s hand made her feel safe.

They keep walking, and Yumeno keeps missing the sensation of Chabashira’s hand in hers, but still, does nothing. She’s such a coward.

She stops in the middle of the sidewalk.

Chabashira is humming, but immediately upon noticing Yumeno’s halt, she also stops, eyebrows knitting in concern. “Yumeno-san? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing… nothing’s wrong.” Yumeno says, and she’s shaking slightly like the weakling she is but continues with, “I’m calm, just like usual. Is something wrong with you?”

“Yumeno-san.” Chabashira says in a very serious tone, and Yumeno feels her heart pick up again and this time not in a good way. “Yumeno-san, look at me.”

She looks.

“Yumeno-san, if you’re uncomfortable with Tenko, please say something. Tenko doesn’t want to make you unhappy.”

“I know.” She says. “I know that. Of course I know that.”

“Did Tenko do anything to hurt you? She’s sorry she bit Rabbit-san’s ear off,” Chabashira gestures towards the cotton candy.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Yumeno mumbles. Rabbit-san nods in her grasp; he would not be mad about something so little as that. “That’s not it.”

“Then do you want to head back?”

“I want.” She forces the words out, ignoring the way her throat tightens in its attempt to hold them down. She’s being stupid, Chabashira always told her to speak her mind, so she would. Even if it’s just once, it’s better than whatever this is. “I want to hold your hand!”

And in that moment, Chabashira gazes at her with nothing but the softest adoration, green eyes shining, “Yu-yumeno-san…”

“Don’t cry.” Yumeno says quickly, knowing Chabashira’s tendency to get over-emotional and the happy screaming, she could deal with. The tears, she could not. “Please don’t cry.”

“Tenko will hold Yumeno-san’s hand for the rest of the day and never let go!” Chabashira declares, intertwining their fingers. Yumeno feels Chabashira’s vitality flow through her. Their hands fit perfectly together.

“Except for bathroom.” Yumeno reminds her.

“E-except for in the bathroom!” Chabashira corrects, blushing deeply.

From that point on, she swings their hands as they traverse through the city, never losing her upbeat energy as she points out cool posters and street signs and water features as if it’s her first time seeing them.

Yumeno nods with every exclamation, smiles slightly at every excited shout of, “Isn’t this beautiful!?”

And when she says “yeah” each time, she might not be referring to the scenery.

 

* * *

 

After having dropped Yumeno off at her research lab to do some mage training, Chabashira enters the dorms in a state of bliss, replaying Yumeno’s words on repeat in her mind. Yumeno always kept her feelings to herself, and didn’t like to stray from her usual state of apathy.

Chabashira likes the apathetic Yumeno, but she falls deeper for her every time she makes an outward show of emotion – and the one from their date makes all the others pale in comparison.

Not to mention – they’ve got plans for dinner next Tuesday! They’re not officially girlfriends, but it’s a start, and Chabashira thinks it’s the start of everything she ever dreamed of.

She’s skipping she’s so happy, but it is instantly and impressively stomped out by the sight of Ouma lounging on the staircase. He waves.

“Nice day, Chabashira-chan?”

“You’re lucky she liked the dress,” Chabashira says decidedly.

“I knew she would,” Ouma replies, resting his sunglasses on his forehead. “And judging by the little victory dance you just did, you’re very welcome.”

“Tenko didn’t thank you.” She immediately answers.

“Wow, what an ungrateful customer, lynching my services for free then not even thanking me. I’m wounded.”

“Tenko will thank you about 20%.”

“That’s a rip-off!” Ouma complains. “You can’t only thank me 20% and expect me to be okay with that. I have a minimum thank rate of 50%.” If he notices her displeased expression, he makes no comment on it. “Minimum. You know what minimum means, right?”

“Whatever, Tenko thanks you 50% and now asks you kindly to go away so she can reach her dorm.”

“A pleasure doing business with you!” Ouma chirps happily. His smile widens into what can only be described as Ouma’s scheming face. “But no can-do, Chaba-chan, you’ve got to hold up your side of the deal, or else~!”

“Tenko hasn’t forgotten,” Chabashira nods, recalling her end of the bargain. “Where’s the box?”

“Well, I’m glad you asked!” Ouma beams, and Chabashira feels herself dreading what’s about to happen. “Y’see, I’m a very private person and only people who fill a top-secret criteria are allowed into my room! No exceptions! So you know what this means –”

She puts her hands on her hips. “Tenko’s not going to play games with you, Ouma-san. Where’s the box?”

“You didn’t let me finish!” Ouma whines, throwing up his hands. “It’s in your room, okay? I put in in your room, so you gotta open up, or we’ll both be stuck out here, and you’re the last person I want to be locked out with. No hard feelings, right?”

Chabashira glares at him. “Please just move so Tenko can open the door.”

Ouma does.

 

* * *

 

“Ouma-san, what the hell?!”

“What?” comes Ouma’s muffled voice. “A deal’s a deal, Chabashira-chan!”

“You left the most important part out!” Chabashira argues, shaking the box and slapping it a few times for good measure. “You didn’t tell Tenko she’d be smuggling you into Saihara-san’s room! Tenko doesn’t want to be an accomplice for murder!”

“Relax, nothing bad is going to happen to Saihara-chan,” Ouma sticks his head out through the flap. “By the way, why haven’t you taped this up yet? It’ll be reeeal obvious I’m in here if I end up falling out. You’d hurt my reputation. I’d never be able to show my face again.”

“Good.” Chabashira says.

“Rude.” Ouma comments.

“What does Tenko say if anyone asks questions?”

“That you’re taking out the trash, come on, Chabashira-chan, do try to think for yourself sometimes.” Ouma disappears back into the box again, and commands, “Tape and go, my loyal steed!”

“Don’t call me that.” With a sigh, Chabashira tapes up the box, poking her fingers through the hand holes to make sure Ouma can breathe. “And just so you know, Tenko still thinks this is an awful idea.”

“It’ll be fun!”

“Ouma-san finds fun in the strangest places…” Chabashira tests her strength with the box, lifting it a little off the ground, then finding it much easier than expected.

“Never lose your inner child, that’s what I always say.” comes Ouma’s answer. “Come on, slowpoke, I want you to throw me into Saihara-chan’s door with all your might!”

“Tenko’s going to carry you like a normal person, thank you very much.”

“Aw, buzzkill. I guess that’s okay, too.”

Chabashira proceeds towards Saihara’s dorm room with her Ouma-box, cursing the fact that she’d have to go down stairs – it wouldn’t have been too much of a problem in theory, but the less distance she has to carry Ouma, the better.

“We’re going down now,” she says, to give him a bit of warning. She never promised it wouldn’t be bumpy, but then again, she never promised to carry _Ouma_ in a box, she only agreed to the box part.

 _For Yumeno-san_ , she thinks, before grinning like an idiot while Ouma can’t see her. _Tenko’s adorable maybe girlfriend._

They make the trip relatively smoothly, but just as she's placing him at the bottom of the stairs, the automatic doors open to reveal Saihara. Chabashira stiffens, and chants _look natural, look natural, look natural_ in her head over and over and maybe one time out loud, but Saihara luckily doesn’t hear it, or if he does, he doesn't mention it.

“Ah, Chabashira-san...” Saihara greets hesitantly. “What are you up to?”

“You – you’ve got a lot of nerve coming to talk to me, degenerate!” Chabashira squawks out, leaning as casually as she can against the box. “Tenko can have you arrested, you know!”

“Wait, calm down!” Saihara says, wide-eyed. “What did I do?!”

“I – I don’t know! Go to your room!”

Saihara, if possible, looks even more confused. “Huh?”

“Did you hear me?! I said ‘go to your room’!”

“No, I heard you, I just …” At her livid expression, Saihara slowly backs towards his room. “Okay, I’m… going to my room now. Have fun, Chabashira-san…”

“Agh, wait! Tenko almost forgot!” Chabashira suddenly exclaims, frantically pushing the box towards him. “This is for you!”

“For me…?”

“Goodbye, Saihara-san!” She shouts, beelining up the stairs to the girls’ dorms, “Don’t come after Tenko, Tenko is innocent, she swears!”

“Oh, um, okay…?” is all she hears before she leaps into her room, and despite all her troubles and plights, she wishes Ouma good luck.

 

* * *

 

Saihara doesn’t know what to do.

After that odd encounter with Chabashira in the foyer, not that his every encounter with Chabashira isn't at least a little odd, he is now stuck with a giant cardboard box that he’s unable to lift into his room. He’s sure it was easy for Chabashira to carry it – trained aikido master that she is – but he’s having less luck.

He’s tried pushing and pulling, but it doesn’t budge.

So here he sits, attempting to reason why Chabashira would give him a box.

Should he just open it here? Would it be an inconvenience? What if it’s a statue, and Saihara is forced to leave it here because he can’t move it – he’d block Amami’s access to his room, which isn’t something he’s keen to do, as amusing as Amami would probably find it. He thinks about it. Is Amami strong enough to lift the box?

Maybe he should knock and ask for help.

Or should he open it before deciding, maybe it’s just a big rock – oh. Oh, what – the box is moving. The box has legs. Saihara shoots to his feet, stepping backwards in alarm.

Wait. He recognizes those pants.

“Ouma-kun!” Saihara exclaims, wondering if he’s even truly surprised as he reaches out for the box. “Are you okay? Get out of there!”

“Saihara-chan!” is the muffled cry he gets in return. “Save me, I’m trapped!”

“H-hold on,” Saihara says, “Sit back down, I’ll – I’ll open the box!”

Ouma falls to his side in the box, legs dangling out as he lies on the floor. “Saihara-chan! Hurry!”

“I’m hurrying!” Saihara flails, looking for some sort of tool nearby to help him open the box, but in the end, he relents and kneels down beside it. The tape mustn't have been placed long ago, nor was it placed very meticulously, as a corner is already peeling off, making Saihara’s job much, much easier.

He takes hold of the corner and yanks off the tape, before lifting the tabs of the box to unveil Ouma’s cheeky smile, hair a mess as he stares upside-down at Saihara.

"Good moooorning!" 

“Are you okay?” Saihara asks.

“My hero has arrived!” Ouma teases.

“Are you okay, Ouma-kun?” Saihara repeats, ignoring the way his face heats up at the words.

“Duh,” Ouma says, pulling his legs back into the box as he sits the box upright, but strangely, he doesn’t get out of it. The way he peers out of it with his hands holding onto the edges is kind of cute, but Saihara knows if he said that aloud, he'd never get to live it down. Still, he wonders how Ouma would react if he did.

“I could have gotten out all by myself, you know! But I let you do it, because you like helping so much. Isn’t that considerate of me?”

“So considerate.” Saihara replies. “Are you going to get out of the box now?”

“Hmm, nope, don’t wanna!” He rocks the sides of the box. “Take me into your room, Saihara-chan! Look at me, I’m all packed up and ready to go! Express shipping!”

“I can’t move the box when you’re in it…” Saihara admits, and he’s thinking more logically when he says, “I could probably lift you on your own, though. Just for a little bit.”

Ouma pauses. Saihara pauses, too.

“Wait, why do you want to go into my room?” The detective asks.

Ouma raises his arms, and ignores the question. “Okay, carry me, Saihara-chan! Show me those big ol’ macho muscles you’ve been hiding!”

It’s not a situation Saihara has ever imagined being in, but there he is, wrapping his arms around Ouma and hoisting him slowly out of the box. Then Ouma blows in his ear.

“Ouma-kun!” Saihara yelps, accidentally dropping the other back into the box when he flinches. “What was that for?!”

“Oh no, you dropped me!” Ouma exclaims. “I guess you really were all talk. Maaan, I knew you didn’t have – ah, my head,” he clutches his head suddenly, and Saihara kneels by the box against his better judgement.

“What’s wrong? Did you hit your head somewhere?"

“Aw, you’re worrying about me!”

“Of course I’m worried! Head injuries aren’t a laughing matter, Ouma-kun, here, let me see.” A palm makes it onto Ouma's head before Ouma ducks out of the way.

He pouts. “It’s just a lie, Saihara-chan! Don’t get all mushy on me now, it’s not like I’m going to die or anything,” he coughs, then falls into the box. “Oh no. It’s happening, I’m dying, I jinxed myself.”

Saihara blinks disbelievingly at him.

“My beloved Saihara-chan,” Ouma coughs into his fists. “I don’t think I’m going to make it… but before I go, you have to know something...”

Saihara sighs, but plays along, if only because he wants to know where this is going and because it’ll distract him from whatever he’s feeling right now. “What do I have to know?”

Ouma clutches his scarf. “Come … closer…”

Saihara shakes his head, but he can’t bite back a smile as he looks down into the box. The things this guy does to him. “Ouma-kun, what is all this about?”

“Help me up?” Ouma asks sweetly, holding out his hand.

“What happened to ‘dying’ and ‘not going to make it’?”

“I changed my mind. Are you going to help me up or not?”

He takes the hand, and again asks himself why he’s even surprised when Ouma pulls on it forcefully, causing the detective to tumble into the box with him.

“Ouma-kun,” he sighs against Ouma’s chest. “That was dangerous.”

“It is, I can’t believe you put me in a box, Saihara-chan, you’re such a bully.”

“You have it the wrong way around.”

“Hm?”

“You were the one who dragged me into this box that you were originally inside of, and I assume you were the one who got into the box out of your own free will.” Saihara elaborates, even though this is a truth he knows that Ouma knows.

“It’s a lie,” Ouma drawls. “Can you get off me now, Saihara-chan, I’m beginning to realize that I made a mistake and I don’t like you so much after all. Personal space, I say! Personal space!”

“If you really want personal space, then why are you pulling me closer,” Saihara points out.

“Oops,” Ouma says innocently, despite quite evidently caging Saihara in his arms. “That’s weird. I’m not doing that. Are you doing that?”

“Ouma-kun, there are easier ways to ask for hugs.”

“This isn’t a hug, this is a trap!” Ouma reasons. “Now Saihara-chan is right where I want him! All I gotta do is attack!”

Saihara shakes his head, knowing Ouma isn’t about to offer him the truth of this situation, and finding he doesn’t particularly mind. It might be because he’s tired from the day he spent reading case file after case file, but it might also be because Ouma makes a better pillow than he would have expected. Then again, he’s never been close enough to Ouma to find out. “You know, now that I think about it, this isn’t that bad. Let’s stay like this for a while.”

"Nooooo," Ouma pokes him in the cheek half-heartedly. “Get up, Saihara-chaaan. Only babies sleep this early. Are you a baby, Saihara-chan?”

Saihara doesn’t respond.

“Hey, hey, Saihara-chan! Don’t fall asleep on me! Do you want me to read you bedtime stories and tuck you in, too? Is this all part of your master plan?”

“I’m not asleep.” Saihara says, mentally counting the black squares on Ouma’s scarf. “Just thinking.”

“Ooh, do tell, what are the thoughts that keep the great Saihara-chan up at night?”

“Why was Chabashira-san carrying the box?” Saihara asks.

"I was gonna answer your question honestly, and you wasted a perfectly good chance on a useless question," Ouma sighs. “It was all part of my grand plan to steal your heart, of course! I took all the help I could get, even though I don’t really need any help, since I’m me, after all.”

Saihara shoots him an amused look. “So did everything go according to plan?”

“Eh, I had to improvise a bit.” Ouma says, blowing at the bangs covering his eyes. “As always, Saihara-chan saw right through me. I hate it when you ruin my fun, you know that, Saihara-chan?”

“Do you though?” Saihara asks.

“Do I what? What did I say? I forgot.”

“You didn’t forget.” Saihara says, brushing Ouma’s hair out of his eyes without thinking. Ouma stills, but only for a moment.

“Yep, you’re right again, that’s a lie too.” Ouma bounces back cheerfully. “So here’s my question for you, Saihara-chan! Did everything go according to plan?”

“Well, I don’t know what your plan was. So I can’t answer that.”

“Not that part, silly!” Ouma leans in close, really close and Saihara wants to write it off as another one of Ouma’s pranks but he can feel Ouma’s heartbeat fluttering under his chest and his is racing too. Even if it is a prank, he’s as hopeless as ever. “Did I steal your heart, Saihara-chan?”

“Ah, uh, well, you know,” he stammers, then shuts his eyes in defeat and nods the tiniest bit, so slight it would have been missed if Ouma were not so close. “What am I supposed to say to that?”

"Not to worry!" Ouma smirks. “You’ve told me everything I needed to know.”

It might be because he's swept up in the moment, or because he's wanted to do this for a while now — whatever the reason might be, Saihara finds himself following his whims and craning his neck towards him. Leaning in, he can feel Ouma’s breath quicken against his lips. Ouma leans in closer still, and they almost touch before a playful grin crosses his face and he quickly pulls away.

“Did you think I was gonna kiss you? That’s so embarrassing!” Ouma laughs. “Aww, better luck next time, Saihara-chan, I’d never let you win that easily, after all this is a game I plan on–”

Saihara shuts him up with a kiss.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Ouma and Chabashira are the first in the classroom by chance, both watching Toujou carry out the trash bags after sweeping before engaging in conversation.

“Chabashira-chan!” Ouma greets enthusiastically. “Did you miss me?”

“Absolutely not.” Chabashira answers flatly, but as an afterthought adds, “How did it go?”

“No, no, I’m the one asking questions here,” Ouma informs her, waving his hands dismissively. “So I was thinking… you’re pretty good at following instructions, so how about we make _another_ deal! Whaddaya say? Maybe you’ve got potential to work for me, after all.”

“Sorry, Ouma-san, Tenko will have to decline.”

“That’s too bad!” Ouma says, but he’s smiling. “I knew it would turn out this way though. For a girl, you’re mediocre at best.”

“And you’re okay. For an awful boy.” Chabashira’s smiling, too.

“I hope you wear decent clothes for your date on Tuesday!” Ouma tells her, in a strangely sincere manner.

She doesn’t ask how he knows. “Tenko hopes you and Saihara-san are happy together. I guess. If you are together.” She shrugs. “You never told Tenko but whatever.”

“Truce?” Ouma asks.

Chabashira rolls her eyes. “Not on your life.”

“Good, I’m glad you see it my way.”


End file.
